The title says it all!

This is an excerpt from my “morning pages” about the tragic murder of George Floyd. I’ve been continuing the practice of writing three pages of my thoughts each morning, i started this whilst working through the incredible book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. My friend and I wanted to both write a poem about our feeling on this matter that we were both so deeply moved by. We would then swap the poems and turn each others poems into songs. I was stuck for a long time so I gave her my morning pages, a stream of my thoughts, so I thought I’d share :)

10/06/20

I can’t fight the good fight but I can carry the lights, make sure everyone is watered, make sure everyone is fed and can find their way. I can’t see pain and be ok, you’re pain is mine.

I have a page to explain how my concept of the world was shattered the day you were taken, I see me in you or maybe you are in me.

Maybe my sense of worth is still too attached to how others see me so if they don’t see you they don’t see me. I was ready to shine but I can only shine when I have permission you didn’t have permission so maybe I don’t.

I have a page to tell you how all my work was undone when you took your final breath, I was ready to fly but you’re caught in my wings, you didn’t get to fly so maybe I don’t too.

I don’t know if any of it’s real, the progression, the access, the forward motion.

I’m still not ok, I still don’t wanna talk about it but I’ve been given a page where I’m supposed to make sense of how I feel ….what if it makes no sense at all.

I feel dug up, slow, burdened, low, hopeful, heavy, at peace and at war. But I have to be the light that makes the pathway clear, let you know I love you even if it’s just a whisper in your ear. I can’t shout from the rooftops my voice won’t carry but I can sing you a song maybe soothe your soul?

I’m still not ok, but everyday I’ll try I don’t wanna be shaking when I pick up the mantle.

Gone like you were nothing, will that be me too, I see me in you or maybe you are in me. All this hope and all that promise, is that in me too? I see me in you or maybe you are in me.

I’ve made it two pages, shown all I’ve been keeping in, I’ve stopped the tears from falling, but can walls break down from the force of water?

Broken but the pieces still fit, empty but the vessel is still divine. Everyone’s in the battlefield even those who don’t know it. I fight for you everyday I fight for me in the night.

Soon there will be troubles no more, where I’ll flow like rivers at bay. How can we win wars on the outside when we don’t win wars within. How can I want conflicts to cease when I ‘m so conflicted within. How can I love you and want you to win when I’m not sure I deserve love or know I can win. I feel your pain, I see me in you or maybe you’re in me.

I feel your joy , your love, your purpose, your life… I see me in you or maybe you are in me.

Ione x